How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize