He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So many bounce houses so little time
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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