We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We left the knife in your bed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Text me some of your sweat
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
