Why does Corona taste like a burp?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
