I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
