I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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