This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
