That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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