Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
