so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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