i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
