i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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