Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
