Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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