blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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