I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
