You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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