He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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