I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
