so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
