If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
