Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
