So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it glows. i had to have it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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