I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
