was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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