broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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