new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
