you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
whose parrot is this?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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