thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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