tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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