You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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