It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
