So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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