I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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