I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
