True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
