Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
