I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My liver just had a heart attack.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
