I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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