Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
