perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
