hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i already hear my dad disowning me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
