Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
