I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
