the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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