i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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