I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
