so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
