i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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