I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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