hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
