it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Who died my cat blue again?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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