we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
