I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
