she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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