I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
