i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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