There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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