He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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