12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
