we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
