Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
