Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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