pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
