I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
