Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize