oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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