btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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