went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
