He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
